I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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