Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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