Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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