PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
