Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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