Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
