Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
