I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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