What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
