I think i sorta joined a cult last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize