i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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