Me. At least after what I've been through.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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