problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
