I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
