My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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