Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
