just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
