grandma shit on top of the toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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