you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
