i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
