His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
