capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
