I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize