I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
