Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
