i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
