just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish you could order shots online.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
