whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
