I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
