I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Never underestimate the power of titties
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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