i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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