Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
id be glad to
high people should be assigned attendants
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize