Your mouth is God's brothel.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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