Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
