The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
