I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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