Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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