what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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