hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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