I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
