I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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