you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
