you guys were way drunker than both of me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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