And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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