the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So much rum. So many feels.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
