i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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