I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
