Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
