I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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