from now on my penis is your penis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
