upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you had me at cake vodka
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
