you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
