I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
