one might say we're banned from that church
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
