saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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