The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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