K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
