lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
