New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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