I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
operation harelip BJ is a go
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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