Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
