I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
