i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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