I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize