I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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